I never thought that people wonder why I’m having this long term engagement with my fiancé. But after a phone call with one of the women I’ve adored so much due to her class and convictions, I am pretty sure that I’m on the right track.
What’s the problem with a long-term engagement? This is basically the fact where couples get to know each other more thoroughly, as compared to an ordinary boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Here, commitment is well-defined. Both parties know that they were about to get married, and not just plans but a frank announcement to the world whether informal that we chose this significant person to be part of our lives forever. Bonds like that is hard to break. It’s an investment of character.
Practically speaking, my boyfriend proposed to me last July 29, 2011 on a rainy evening, just when I was about to broke up with him. I was caught off guard after seeing a man holding one ring on his hand and both chinito eyes pleading for you to stay. I couldn’t say no and I didn’t because I love him and the only reason I want to break up with him was because it’s coming all too fast and I wanted to take it slow. That was more than three years ago and we’re still engaged after announcing to our families and friends about our upcoming wedding — the day to die for.
Why? Basically, my fiancé was ready already. All it takes was my “Yes” and the seriousness that goes along with it, the budget and the over-all details of a perfect wedding. But back then, I was only in love and building a family for me requires stability. Back then, I knew that before even tying the knot, I have to let him know where I’m standing at.
I was a medical student during that time, a scholar supported initially by my alma mater and all my relatives. I was their pride and at that time, I couldn’t afford to let them down. During those times when I’m still trying to earn my degree, being married is a downside for my never-ending goals to study and pursue my dreams as a doctor. I had to take it one step at a time.
I was not in a rush because I’m a dreamer and a family-oriented woman (blame that to my zodiac sign). Coming from a family where I’m treated as a princess, the unica hija, I wanted to sustain that for the family that I am planning to have without even relying to my parents. I still wanted to be the independent “me” without even begging for anyone to buy the things I want or relying from my parent’s wealth. I just wanted to do more and I wanted to have every right to do what I want, married or not.
So in other words, I was the one holding back because I have dreams, not only for my future but also for my family – my parents, my brothers, my relatives. Being the eldest, I wanted to do more than just bring food on the table. I wanted to put my family on a safer zone before even leaving them for another family — the one I’ll be building with my fiancé. And I’m not going to depend those desires and obligations to my future husband.
I’ll say we’re taking it one step at a time. Put God as the center of our relationship. Know our priorities. Settle our individual goals first. Prepare for our dream wedding. The list is on and keeping the romance in spite of quite a long-term engagement, that is something.
You see, being married is not just about love. It’s being both physically, mentally, financially, spiritually prepared for a lifetime commitment. It’s what I learned from my parents happily married for more than 25 years and it’s what I’ll bring forward to our very own version of “married life” when that day comes.
As the saying goes:
“Save the best for last.”
And with this being said, I’m just thankful and happy for God blessed me with a man who’s willing to wait, no matter how long. I found an almost perfect guy with some lame imperfections.
I love you, Marvin, for everything that you are and for everything that you’re not.
Random Thoughts by Doctor Shei